Remember that night in December of ’78 when you and Mummy had that fun night out. Don’t you remember? It was the festive season so there was lots wine, woman and song. It was the seventies. I hope you were not on acid, then.
Mummy was all dressed up looking super fly. You couldn’t keep your eyes and your hands off her. You were much younger, wilder, freer back then. You still don’t remember?
Don’t hit the booze so hard at Christmas time, then. Liquor stores open in January too you know.
I know your memory is failing you. You forget your keys and where you put your wallet. You forget where you parked your car reminding you that age is creeping up on you. Has the loss in memory been worrying you too? Worrying you that it may be Alzheimer’s
It can’t be easy living with knowledge that your memory fails you.
I don’t expect you to remember all the little details of that night, except that you were with the hottest woman in the room. That you may never forget.
You see I am here to remind you of that super fun night. My existence. Roughly nine months later, I made my entrance to reminder you of that crazy fun night. A huge memento. Man those were fun times, weren’t they?
I’m sorry your memory is fuzzy and you forgot all about that night and me.
Heres what you missed.
I learned to tell time when I was 7 on my super cool casio watch. I still miss that watch. It was never wrong.
Mummy bought me the complete set of Enid Blyton books for my 9th birthday and added more books every birthday after that. I still love to read because of it.
You didn’t get to see how cool I looked in my white dress with the green flowers and the dropped waist when I was 11. I wore it often. One day it went away. I think that dress was pissed off at me for hardly giving it any time off.
You missed my teenage years when I started to question authority and got up to all sorts of amazing and sometimes illegal things. This was only fun for me. Mummy was NOT laughing about this at all.
You missed my first boy crush when I realised ALL love songs were about me. You didn’t see how I used to rewind that cassette tapes over and over and bug mummy to come and listen so she could tell me the one word I couldn’t hear properly so I could write it down.
You missed my years of angst some of it I blame on you. You see, you were the very first man to reject me. Don’t feel sorry for me. It took me a minute. Okay years. I know that fact that your memory was a bit fuzzy had very little to do with me. I am awesome.
You missed my graduation not just from school but from girl to woman. My first job and my first pay cheque. I would have bought you something nice.
You also missed when I fell in love for the first time. I married him by the way, you would like him. Everybody does.
The biggest thing you miss is the cutest little angel. I pity anyone who doesn’t get to look into her eyes. You see if you ever questioned heaven. That’s where you need to look to find it.
I hope you noted that I didn’t mention what I would be missing.
Heres what I didn’t miss
Someone I could twist around my little finger to pay for the extra maths lessons I said I badly needed on Saturdays, when I really didn’t. I just wanted to be out with my friends.
Someone to take my side against Mummy when I thought she was ruining my life by not allowing me to go to Marcia Norains house for a sleep over.
Someone to pick me up from the club at 2 in the morning so that I was safe and didn’t have to take rides from drunken young boys that may have killed me.
Someone to look out for my future and not allow me to slack off at school and beam like a good every time I got first in class. Not to my face but I heard him bragging a few times.
Someone to protect me and be my hero. Boys knew not to mess with me.
Someone to wash my car because I was too lazy to do it myself.
Someone to make mummy less stressed out when I am clearly the source of all that stress.
Someone to walk me down the aisle at my wedding day and approve of the man I chose to wash my car for the rest of my life.
Someone stepped in. He stopped me from thinking I am not enough. If I was not loveable then why does he stay and love me. Even after I drank too much alcohol at the Ottino’s house and vomited on him.
He gets to see that piece of heaven when he looks into his granddaughters eyes.
So I didn’t miss much after all. You missed getting to know me. I hear I am fun.
Oh and I am a still a daddy’s girl.
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If I offended you that’s just too bad. As long as you learn not to ask really personal offensive question then my job is done!
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